Fan Mail

Hello! Over there 
Pallavi I hope you and your family are fine.I had many questions in my mind about you and your posts whenever I see your post, I gets disturbed by a question which is restless, and today I want to ask these question to you because I had lost my control of thinking about that and I had decided to ask you. 
Why do you write about sex? What is your motive for that posts and by writing all this what you are getting and what do you want to prove by writing all this things.
In India, girls less talk about sex, they are ‘ashamed’ and you are different you are beyond the pillars that openly posts all these, I had not still find a page like yours who talks about all this. I just want to know what is in your mind and what’s going on if you feel free to share then I will wait for your reply.

I received this email in the morning from a man, who wants to know why I’m doing all this. I promised him that I’ll reply back and that it would take me more than an answer. So here’s my post on this-

4 Months back, I sat with my friend Sourabh about this page. Sourabh is a marketing consultant and has leased life in many a failing startups. ‘Do something for this page’. I gently nudged him and he had only one advise for me. ‘Don’t hold yourself back when you express your emotions. Be blunt. When people meet you, they should know you as someone who is no nonsense. You are not answerable to anyone except yourself.’

I think he felt that there’s something that I hold back when I pick my pen and how right he was! It was a moment of epiphany for me. Yes! Can I be that someone who is no more fearful? Can I talk my mind without censoring my emotions? All my life, I led an inhibited life. Never been able to talk what I felt. I embraced courage and I SHUT down my ears to unwelcome criticism.

Now! Why I chose to write about my sexuality?

I don’t know. It just happened. Perhaps its a tendril of my impassioned heart and I decided not to prune it. I feel sexuality is beautiful, like a tapestry of emotions. I feel no dirt in it. It is naked, vulnerable like a newborn, and a precept of love. Why should I hold it back?

Now! Why I chose to write it on a public forum like this?

I read somewhere because sex is a private matter, there is no code of conduct that applies to this deeply intimate act of ours. While I do not know what a right sex should be, from my experience, I have certainly came to know what a wrong sex can be. A wrong sex is one that is not consensual, that is acted basis a wrong commitment, and one that is regretted. I had my share of accidents on sexual highway and the reason I did not put brakes on the right time was because I did not there were any brakes. And hence I decided to talk about my sexual experiences which went awry to let a discussion open up with identity. Yes, while a lot of discussions are there, what we fail to see is an identity attached to that discussions that make it personal, legitimate, authentic.

And I would like to end my note by –

Ask the books I read why I changed. Ask the authors dead who communicated with me and gave me the courage to be myself. The books like a mother cow licked the calf of my thought into shape and left me to lie at the altar of the world as a sacrificial gift. – Kamala Das