I just had my #metoo moment and can now join the movement to exorcise sexual misconduct. The only difference being, I’ve to join men. Yes! Unknowingly, I became the perpetrator in all this ambit of #metoo. I ended up causing sexual discomfort to a long-term friend, a man.
It is a moment of extreme guilt for me, though I’ve apologized and the man has graciously accepted my apology. I’ve to examine the reasons which led to this.
The man and I are friends for close to half a decade and have managed to repel ‘friends with benefits’ attraction. He has been extremely polite and affable, which made me value the friendship more. We have had our smoking trips, beer cheers, movie dates, dinners, long drives, but all in strictly asexual nature. Which is why the relationship thrived for so long.
Just a month back, I was reeling under a heartache and rejection and called on him to meet on a quick notice. My affable friend came and the drinks and talks helped me alleviate the stress. On an impulse, out of gratitude in that solitude, I leaned in and we kissed. It was mutual then.
But! This is where I was wrong. A moment of shared intimacy is where the two people actually get involved and consent to a certain activity. In our next meet, I overlooked those signals. I assumed that the consent is implicit because it was present the last time. NO! The consent has to be explicit, every time. Which is where I defaulted. I maneuvered those sexual flirtations (casual physical contact, kiss) with ease because I trusted him but failed to see that he is not reciprocating, unlike the last time. I failed to see that because I was wearing gender glasses which tell me that men are sexual beasts. These were my parting words to him –
” No it is not your mistake, it is neither mine. I was too much in my zone to even think that I’m causing any unease. All my life I played the victim card. It was difficult for me to even think for a moment, that a man can be sensitive.”