Thank you god! for blessing me with one more 🙂 Yeah! I have become so accustomed to small-large scale mishaps that I don’t complain anymore. I use them as a fodder for my writing. But 32 hours back, I was not in this chucklesome mental state. I was in a shock!
Between us, the partner has a higher libido. He is young, is a gym regular and has a rich diet of meat and greens. He is monogamous so he does not squander his sexual stamina on multiple partners. But at the same time, he looks up to me to fulfill his insatiable hunger for sex. I fail most of the time. I try to postpone our sexual date to an effervescent tomorrow, that never comes. But he insists and resists my refusal and I yield in.
That day, he made me exercise for an hour at stretch. I have become clumsier and plumper since I quit my corporate job. A number of cardio workouts left me with intense back pain. To top that, I do a late night work-shift to pay my bills. At 12 am, as I wrapped my work I was deep tired and all set to hit the sack. As I sunk my face in the mushy white pillow, the partner leaned in and requested for an oral sex.
‘I promise I will be gentle. You will not feel pain. You just lie there and I will do all the work.’
Like always, I let him in. But as he undressed me and smothered me down there, I became aroused. What followed was an intense session of lovemaking. But in the mid of it, I felt a mild wetness around my pubic. I looked at it and found that it was semen. Condom had ruptured inside me.
In a moment, I turned ice-cold with fear. My mind went numb. Tears welled in my eyes at the prospect of another abortion. I do not want to pain my body. The partner was adamant that it was an ‘accident’ but I knew that even accidents have a reason. I blamed him. That night I slept on the other side of bed, away from him, not talking to him.
The next morning, partner patted my forehead and gave me a gentle message by making small circles on my forehead through his fingers. He then brought a glass of warm milk and a slice of buttered toast. He rubbed my heels with warm coconut oil. He was filled with remorse and said –
‘Your vagina was quite dry last night and hence the friction caused the condom to rupture. But I understand your pain and you’re right. ‘Biwi’ I’m not going to let anything happen to you. You are my life, you’re my responsibility.’
We then walked hand in hand to the pharma shop to buy an I-pill. And on our return bought dhokla to freshen up our appetite and morning. On my way back, I wondered, what would have happened if it was a casual intercourse with a non-committal man? I would have no man on my side, assuring me that things will be taken care off. Making me comfortable as I deal with pregnancy fears. I realized that it is important to not just have safe sex, but have safe sex with a man who loves you as a person and not just a ‘mere body’.