In my 34 years of life, I have kissed and or had sex with many men. More than 10 to be precise. None of the sexual relationships were casual flings or a one night stand. It were all committed relationships at various points in time. The kisses though were in the heat of time. My vagina is more sacred that way 🙂 All sexual relationships ended with heartbreaks except the one I’m in currently. I met and connected to even more men on a deeper emotional level without going sexual with them. More than 100 to be precise.
The upside of these abrupt liaisons was that I got an insight into the psyche of these men, their motivations, their desires of a relationship. For they inevitably moved to an ‘another’ after me. What is amazing is each of these men were unique and if I look back and introspect, I glean 4 models of relationships:
1) Prioritize Need – My school friend who is in merchant navy and is in a monogamous marriage. I asked him- ‘You come home only once in 6 months and then you travel to so many countries. Don’t you get attracted to someone?’. To this he said that every person has a ‘need’ as well as a ‘desire’. If you your desire menacing your need, something which you cannot live without. You make a conscious call to stifle the desire. You work around it. Like nuns and priests who quell their sexual urge. For me, my wife is a need and I know she will not be fine with me having an outside marriage relationship. So I cull my desires.
2) Sex Maniacs – I met bachelor or divorced men in their 40s who are all for one night stands. Their sexual appetites are so high that they can fool females who they meet on the go in an event or visit chat rooms in Tinder to lure them with their sweet-talk. The end goal is clear. To get laid. There is no emotional connection, no responsibility except for a ‘condom’. These might take you to a dinner, drinks or drop you back home onetime.
3) Liar Husbands – This is the biggest group of all. The office goers. They have discreet relationships in office or outside. They keep their home intact by posing a facade of blissful relationship with their wives. Wives who have the same illusion of a happy home. These men seem to get the best of both worlds, unbridled animal sex and comfort of a home. Albeit with a compromise. They live a lie whole their life.
4) Happily Monogamous – The people who are unexposed to the cultural and cosmopolitan upheavals early in their lives, mostly because of their small town, close knit familial upbringing. Their values are so ingrained in their souls that they live for their values. Their biggest desire is their values. My partner is from this tribe.
5) The Unknown – This is what I’m working on. In words of my friend Sourabh to get the best of both worlds without living a lie. To have your “home” intact and to have novel sex with people closer your home. To keep intact your ethics of love but also admit the fact that the same love can permeate to more than one person. Can it be?