“I was about to ask you questions regarding sexual questions my child is raising. My 7 year old daughter spoke to me about the Fuck word. She told me that it is related to licking boys private part. I laughed at it and said that’s not right. What I don’t know is what to say next. What’s appropriate to speak to her and what not to? While I understand her inquisitiveness, I’m also concerned that kids of her age don’t make her averse to sex.”
– Srikkanth (name not changed upon request)
Srikkanth is a concerned, empathetic, non-judgmental parent who reached out to me with this question a month back. I laud him for this effort of his to find the right and accurate answer to his daughter’s inquisitiveness. Unlike other embarrassed parents, who shut their kid’s queries bordering around sex, Srikkanth had the acumen to understand that shutting such queries and rather discouraging them can potentially make his daughter ignorant, prone to exploitation, ill-informed, and reap in seeds of sexual shame and discomfort.
It took me some time and research to find the right explanation for a word which is incredibly popular in use but it is still a pesky, fashionable sexual slang. Is there more to f-word? So let’s begin our f-class by understanding the etymological meaning of this word. The f-word is of Germanic origin meaning “to strike” and “to move back and forth.” The word is mostly used to insult or express disdain for someone and intensify negative or positive emotions. For ex:
That was fucking hard! Or Man! It was fucking awesome.
Fuck word has gained popularity as an alternate meaning of sexual intercourse because of the common perception attached to both these words. Fuck means to strike and sex is also known as an overrated genital sensation that lasts a mere 10 seconds. Sex is instant gratification, it is hot and fast. Sex is to throw yourself on the top of your partner and knock your way to an ejaculation in a matter of minutes. Porn and restrictive social and moral taboos have degraded sex from being a refined form of pleasure to a strictly masculine act of power domination on women, an act that is not centered on fulfillment but on libido release. Now, coming back to the tender kid’s question, here’s how I will explain it to her and any other kid of her age.
“Sex or lovemaking is a way in which two grown up, familiar, and consenting adults express their love, affection, commitment and respect for each other in a private space. It is a beautiful experience and should be only shared with someone who is respectful, loving, and trustful towards you. Sex also makes babies, that are a beautiful expression of life. Every species has babies, and human beings can have babies through sex if they want to.
Fuck is a casual meaning for sex and it is often used in a sense to demean women and the act of love. So would you like to disrespect your mother or hear someone disgracing the act of love? If you still hear some classmate muttering this word, you can politely ask them not to use this word as it demeans girls and women and act of love.”
To demonstrate a real glimpse of the act of mating and reproduction, you can also show your child visuals of fish, birds, butterflies mating on YouTube or Discovery channel.
-With inputs from Reema Ahmed, sexuality educator.