I am an extremely sexual person. What is the first thought that crosses your mind when I say this? Sex, sexual, sexuality – any word that has sex in it is considered taboo. We fail to understand and acknowledge that sexuality is a fundamental part of our being. It is a part of who we are and it reflects in how we conduct ourselves, our relationships, our work – in all spheres of life. I have always been vocal about it, or I thought so until I met Pallavi. What I used to discuss with my friends in closed groups, she has been airing in public with gusto and grace.
She has embarked upon an arduous journey – to create space for people to talk openly about sex and to help them learn that vulnerability is an asset, not a shame. Something that I could only imagine, this woman has made that her mission. I was pulled in immediately. Since I started writing on Redwomb, I have been asked ‘Yeah, it’s courageous and commendable, but what’s the point of it?’ This post explains that point.
Why do we need to break down the walls around sex?
Where did you get your sex education from? Magazines hid in attics, pornographic films and videos, friends who were as unaware as you? And now, we have the internet, where you can find all sort of information from various sources, mostly unreliable sources. You grow up believing in god-knows-what-not about sex.
We spend a large part of our lives learning and unlearning the misinformation we gathered on the mere act of sex. Living in perpetual confusion, we never get to discover or understand our sexuality, let alone realize its power. We harbour doubts, insecurities, unfulfilled desires, but we don’t talk about them. Because we are taught that sex only exists within the confines of the walls. If we bring the walls down, we are vulnerable, we are naked. And that would bring shame.
If we spend half the effort we put in hiding things on talking about them, the quality of life will drastically improve. When a thought is recurring and it’s not spoken about, its power over us increases. It keeps on growing until it turns into an obsession. And when such strong feelings do not find an outlet for expression, they become repressed. As Christopher Ryan Ph.D., Psychologist and author of Sex at Dawn, explains –
“Nothing inspires murderous mayhem in human beings more reliably than sexual repression. Denied food, water, or freedom of movement, people will get desperate and some may lash out at what they perceive as the source of their problems, albeit in a weakened state.But if expression of sexuality is thwarted, the human psyche tends to grow twisted into grotesque, enraged perversions of desire. The distorted rage is generally directed at helpless victims who are sacrificed to the sick gods of guilt, shame, and ignorant pride.”
Open conversations around such feelings and desires bring us ‘true erotic freedom’. We understand and accept our sexuality. We realize that sex is a powerful means to live, ‘sex is what has created us and sexual energy is the creative energy, it is the fundamental force that connects us all’. As Pallavi says, ‘erotic freedom means resting in the most natural, open and expanded state of Being’, a state where our emotions and energies are unlocked.
Why is vulnerability important?
Our society forces us to be guarded and protected about our lives. While we love to showcase our presumably happy, picture-perfect lives to others, we withdraw into a shell when it comes to the darker side of the picture. Why? Because we don’t want to be judged. We don’t want to be exposed and get hurt.
By being vulnerable, we face our fears. We find the courage, we discover self-esteem and we find ourselves. We become authentic, which in turn, adds meaning to life. Vulnerability empowers us to forge deeper connections and makes us stronger beings.
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” – Dr. Brené Brown
Where to begin?
Pallavi lives a completely vulnerable and open life. She owns her life and wears her sexuality. She is enabling others to do the same through her endeavour called Tongue Tied. We are launching its Bangalore chapter on 25th May. ‘It’s time to accept the openness and wildness of our being and permit it to flourish’. You can learn about the event and book your tickets here. Drop us a message if you have any questions. Come and be a part of the change.