Do you feel like something is lacking in your relationship? To everyone’s eyes, you may seem like the #goals couple, but in reality, that may not be true. The prime reason for this, quite simply put, is the lack of proper and productive communication.
It may seem like the cliche answer. However listening properly to the things that are said and more importantly, to the things that aren’t said could transform everything. Yes, physically too.
The awareness gained from raw conversation becomes, what is essentially, a form of meditation. And this process should not be rushed, rather eased into. It must be understood that it’s not merely listening to the other person, but listening to yourself as well, thus forming ideas and goals for your relationship that is mutual and achievable.
Make sure both of you know what you’re doing and expectations are clear. And, since relationships do consist of two EQUAL people, it is important that both get turns at this.
First, just sit across each other and take a minute or two to truly connect. Breathe deeply and be relaxed. The exercise may seem childish or even a bit ridiculous at first, but persist with it and the results may prove to be tremendous.
The practise goes like this – one partner (1) must focus on a very specific body part of the other (2). This body part is chosen by (2) and (1) must converse with it, while (2) replies as the body part itself.
Person 2, ideally should pick the body part that seems the most ‘reactive’ when introspection is happening. It could be the knees, inside of the thighs, the wrists, the small of the back, the breasts, the lips, or any part at all. Person 1 should talk to the body part and ask it questions as if it had a mind and personality of its own. Person 2 must reply to these questions and hence, the dialogue continues.
Partner 1: “Hello shoulders of my lover, how are you?”
Partner 2 then listens into that part and allows whatever needs and sensations come to be expressed, answering the partner as if they were that part (the shoulder in this case).
Partner 2: “We’re ok. A bit strained from working in front of the computer all day, but we’ll really like a gentle massage to make our life a bit easier.”
For Partner 1, it’s important that whatever message comes, it is received with love and empathy. The responses can vary from deep sorrow, neglect, yearning to be loved a bit more, or simply have a silly or playful desire.
The dialogue continues with Partner 1 asking more and deeper questions to the addressed body part. Some parts are shy and need a bit of coaxing. Some are storing trauma and need holding. Some are just yearning to be noticed.
Another result is that this practice could lead to foreplay! Hearing that a neglected body part is yearning for attention will definitely spring people into action. Give this a go and improve both your sex life and your relationship with your partner.
Not just this, the same practice can be oriented towards building deeper intimacy in your relationship. You can change the context of the questions to your partner while practicing compassionate listening.
- What would you like me to know about you?
- Are you holding any pain? Physical or emotional?
- Is there anything you would like from me? Love, gratitude, attention, kisses, massage, or maybe solitude?
The results are both unexpected and joyful. This practice can lead to deep emotional catharsis, beautiful lovemaking, and discovering newer erogenous zones. And most times, it will lead to loving touch, lingering conversations, and deep intimacy.