As I had discussed in my last article, in long term monogamous relationships, there is a tendency that boredom might set in, the spark might get lost somehow. And which is quite normal. Seduction might help in getting rid of it but there might be other ways too to rekindle that lost flame in a relationship.
It might so happen that what you have been doing in the bedroom for so long has lost its charm for both of you. So it isn’t as exciting as it was. And you are looking to reconnect with your partner on a more different and intimate level. So one way of re-kindling your sex life is to explore various styles and approaches to what constitute sex. Witnessing sex through different lenses does open up creativity and receptivity we otherwise might not allow us to see on normal circumstances. Many of us have a certain strict regime when it comes to sex. We have the same process each time there is an encounter, go through the same routine movements. And every time we try to recreate the same energy.
The mind has the memory of the best sex the couple have had and each time they painstakingly try to recreate the same magic, and at times they fail miserably. They are afraid to introduce something new in their bedroom fearful of the failure. They fail to realise that routine takes away the element of excitement and dynamism of sex. As a result, sex turns into a passive habit, a mundane duty done without an element of excitement. I have seen a lot of people change sexual partners to get that lost spark in their sex life. While a new person does bring an element of excitement and curiosity in the sex life, but if you still stick to the old world ways of sex, the fire will fizzle out soon. Better increase the shelf life of sex by trying these delicious approaches.
Incorporating play into your relationship is a beautiful way to reclaim intimacy. While there are hundred reasons couples may stop being intimate, stress plays a significant role in lowering the desire? If you suspect stress might be at the heart of why your sex life has lulled, play could be what you need.
I remember an instance where during one such lull period; my partner suggested that we play a fun game. The fun game was all about using one English alphabet at a time to frame a sentence where the proper noun will be used for a name of a person, a name of a city or a town while keeping the verb constant. For example: The English alphabet is K so the line would be like ‘Kate sells Kites at Kingston’ and so on. It was so much fun playing it. So bring some fun games into it like hide and seek, what room can you find me in, and a cat and mouse kind of chasing, something like which would definitely keep stress at bay.
I have often seen people approach sex too seriously almost as if it’s some kind of a task. They often think there’s only one way to do it right, and they make an effort to meet that standard, they over think their own performance or fret over what their partner might be thinking during sex. But when we view sex as a way to play and explore, all that self-imposed pressure of doing it the right way falls away.
For those who like working out, sport sex could be an interesting way to change things up. Sport sex is an approach that includes more physically demanding positions and more changing of positions, it can certainly be considered a workout.
I remember once my partner lifted my heavy body up on his thighs and then penetrated me. I confess that it was slightly uncomfortable because the entire time I was fretting how he could bear my 70 kgs weight on his thighs but he did. And it lasted in the stock of our memories of sexual repertoire.
— Pallavi Barnwal
You can consider doing push ups, running and chasing each other. Although it may sound a little odd to have sex also be considered your workout, but it could be helpful to think of the activity of sex like that of an workout. After all sex burns calories! Think of it seriously. Even in our busy lives, many people still make exercise as an essential part of their wellness routine, whereas find sex to be an overhead. In reality, sex should be an equally central part of our wellness practices.
Sex can be a mindfulness based spiritual practice. Spiritual sex involves much slower movements and allows time for both partners to experience a full sensory awareness and to be truly present for each touch. It includes deep breathing, small and rhythmic movements, and direct, soulful eye contact, which can allow for more connection, intimacy, and oneness during the sexual experience. It can be very slow sex, very minimal movement, very subtle, and yet the power of the orgasm and pleasure can be even more. I had my first experience of multiple orgasms during one such occasion where my partner and I decided to do it slowly and bring our awareness to our bodies. I can never forget those magical moments. You can also try Yab-Yum position (Tibetan: “father” “mother”) that represents the unity of the opposites and is a symbol of great compassion and love.