Pallavi recently mentioned a very profound thought on a platform. She told us to have gratitude for our partners, that in this difficult world we have someone to call our own. But mere gratitude cannot bring back the passion in your life and bedroom, she explained, so what will? While this will be explored more in our Intimacy workshops, let us dive a little into desire and being desired
This happened to me recently, I thought I was in love again, I felt butterflies in my stomach, I felt desire in my body, I wanted to be with him. Or did I? Was I just seduced by the thought that I am so desired, that someone wanted me badly, and that I am that wanted.
So did I actually desire or was I happy to be desired?
Rings a bell? Well, I am sure it does, because most fall into the later category of being desired. Off late I am watching lot of whatsapp statuses of random people and people I know. I was struck by a pretty girls status, ‘Love to be loved’. Note that it doesn’t talk about being in love, or me loving. It’s almost a selfish statement. So, its like, I am too self involved to love you, but if you love me, I love it. I thought to myself, is this true, do we all love to be loved and not actually loving someone?
While being selfish is fine as long as its not hurting the other person, I am not ok with myself pursuing someone because it massages my ego and validates my existence. ‘I like you, because you like me, or even are crazy about me.’
This thought is insane and I would like people to find genuine reasons to love people rather than go with people who like us.
In the very controversial movie, ‘Arjun Reddy’ (I am secretly smitten by Vijay Devarkonda by the way, just for your information), ok now to the point, I did not understand why they fell in love, how did this undying form of love actually just happen for them in a gaze at the college canteen. I repeatedly watched this scene in both languages and this is what I saw.
Arjun/Kabir fall for Preethi, in a glance and somehow choose her as ‘meri bandi’, and the girl just complies. He likes her so much that she is assumed to have fallen too. This is what I understood.
So, shall we assume that Preethi would have loved anyone as long as he seemed to go all crazy for her and establish territory around her as his girl?
So did Preethi not see anything good in Arjun? In Kabir? His passion must have wooed her, or his brilliance in academics, his sexy bike, his sexy stubble, what was it? Him saying that he likes the way she breaths is just a give away that there was no special reason for him to be in love, than just love, and believe me, I get it.
But, as a woman, no justification, but Preethi is in love, is shown. So being loved, and I want you so bad basically worked well for Arjun?
Instead, in real life, I think we must look for the qualities we like in a person that attract us towards them, and not just the fact that they adore us and that becomes the focus point of the relationship. While thinking that you like the person who is mad for you is great, it is called settling.
‘Love being loved’ to ‘I actually genuinely with all my heart and soul found you so compatible, fun and joy, that I choose to be in love with you’ is a more worthwhile cause in the long term.