Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret ― Ambrose Bierce
I hope I’m able to make a notable speech here. I began this page to write about my poems. Literature has a profound impact on me since I was a child. The first novel I read was ‘Mujhe Chand Chahiye’ by Surinder Sharma, when I was all of 12.
The narrative was about the struggle of a small town girl Varsha to become a starlet. How she was beaten by her brother, and how she eloped and was supported by her teacher-mentor Divya Di. Varsha went on to become a big star in commercial cinema but continued her contribution in parallel cinema, as her creative hunger was unmet in running around the tree roles. The novel ended with how Varsha’s boyfriend Harsh who was a 2nd league actor could not cope up with her rising success and moved to drugs and eventual suicide. Varsha was pregnant at that time and she decides to become an unwed mother. Circa 1996 it was.
But as I progressed in my research on sexuality education, I found a monster lurking in the corner. Read this statement from Dr. Ananya Basu – Associate Consultant Gynaecologist at Ruby General Hospital
“I am not sure about the mathematics of unwanted pregnancies, but it is alarmingly on rise. Every week in my opd i am getting at least one case coming for MTP (Medical Termination) for unwanted pregnancy. These girls are from affluent class, and mostly Students in classes 9-12.”
And thus I decided to talk about it. To make people comfortable talking about sex and relationships, so that they have courage to accept the mess and then clean it. You cannot clean the mess unless you accept it is there.
A lot of well wishers have appreciated my opening up about my trauma and personal experiences by telling I’m courageous. I don’t think I’m courageous. I still get scared by the sight of a dog round the corner. I change my route. I cannot sleep alone in a dark room. I need a night bulb. I cannot travel alone unlike a lot of single ladies. I have to reach back home before 10:15 pm unless accompanied by my partner or a male I deeply trust. I get jitters everyday thinking what if I will not succeed in what I have set out for, seeing my 6 year old child. So I’m not courageous.
But I’m honest. As early as when I was 12. If someone asked my age, I would tell 12 years and 4 months. If my father reduced my age on my marital bio data, I would make a ruckus. When I anticipated the first sign of attraction towards another man, I made a call to discontinue my marriage. I was advised to file 498 a against my husband by my lawyer to smooth child custody process. I declined.
Now, I also get a backlash on my honesty from some GLOATS. Just this morning from a revered gentleman. On other days I get moral judgement, LOL’s, and scornful remarks. Tell me people? Didn’t you create a mess in your life? Don’t you have your regrets & fears? Trust me, the research I’m into tells me that relationship happiness index is on a steep decline. And there are a lot many people suffering, including you my reader : ) Let’s help each other.