If M for money, is a dirty word, and everyone wants it, and no one is ready to talk about it, just because it is cheap to talk about money; S for sex is a dirty word too, in our part of the world, and yet everyone wants it, and no one wants to talk about it in the open.
It is unfortunate, but it is true, that with our country being the second largest populated country in the world, people still have closed mindsets and look down upon the very act, which brings them into the world.
When youngsters are still afraid to come out in the open and talk about it, you know the elders have failed to do their job, in this regard. They have failed to give us a safe environment where Sex is discussed with equal enthusiasm as economic growth or a career. Somehow talking about sex makes you the black sheep among the shining golden hens. You suddenly become the loose morale person who speaks anything and everything just like that!
A young reader, Palash Mungi (name not changed), laments. “In India, ironically, parents are not ashamed of fighting (sometimes violent) in front of the kids, but are ashamed of hugging (lest alone kissing) each other in front of us. In my own circle and family, I have seen cases of negligible sex or physical affection. There are sexless marriages too. I wonder if these are the cases I personally know, imagine the actual number.”
He further adds that, “I have a curiosity to explore sexual things. I am the most sexually aware person in my group as I search the Internet for a lot about male and female sexuality related information. Its surprising but sad, that my friends don’t even know the pee hole in woman is different than vaginal opening, forget about the G-spot and clitoris.”
Ignorance and lack of self-awareness is always dangerous for a society. Imagine if a woman is not aware of her own body, her sensitive areas, her genital organs or even the pleasure giving ones, then how is she going to safe-guard her own interests in life. How is she going to lead a ful-filled life in which she passes this on to the next generation? How does she know if she is ready for a sexual encounter and when she does have one, was it the right way? Was she happy about it? Was it catering to her needs? So many questions go unanswered for women even in this day and age. Why? Nobody told them, because nobody knew it themselves and were too scared to talk about sex in the open.
Such letters are a revelation and a reality check as to where is our youth currently in this whole sexual revolution history. The shift from TV viewing to DTH, from DTH to Web series and an access to a lot more external influences have opened up many conversations as well as made it a little more complicated than it already was. Now added to the sexual inquisitiveness there is confusion too, as to what is acceptable, non-acceptable, sexual ettiquettes, dating, making physical moves, moving from one partner to another, multiple relationships, polymary, casual sex, and the list is endless. Today one can swing from being single, married, to casual sex in a short span with ease and elegance. It doesn’t have to be as awkward as it was once upon a time.
However, even as we speak about a revolution and transformation in attitude towards sex, majority of the population in our country still wants to hold on to a past which had roots in its ignorance and insensitivity. Where women themselves lacked a know how about their body. A world which lacked the knowledge about the rights and needs of a woman, the consent and willingness to come out in the open about homosexuality, flings and affairs outside marriage, about everything that has to do with truth.
Is it time that we as a nation start discussing more than just politics on the table, more than just economy and movies over chay. Can a ‘chay pe charcha’ ever speak about an orgasm and a lack of one? I still wonder if one day, a group of women can actually get together and talk about sex, just like their dating bloopers.
Can the discussion be the utter neglect and brushing under the carpet of the deepest issues a man and woman actually face, but are too timid to discuss? Like why are sexless marriages acceptable? Why is a drop of desire in a marriage not brought out onto the table to discuss? Like how can we go on without discussing dire matters, those matters which matter to our lives and well being the most.
In the end, can we make the ‘S’ word a more acceptable word, and normalize it, so we can finally move on to greater battles of life and fight our Kurukshteras in our own way? Can we add grace to our lives by accepting ourselves as sexual beings trying their shot at being wholesome human beings.