In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn’t fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get to it. This isn’t because the universe is cruel. It’s because the universe is smart. It has its own cat-string theory and knows we don’t appreciate things that fall into our laps. – Neil Strauss
Nowadays I often come across men telling me about their partners. Among many points, one point is that their long term partners are no longer interested in sex. The spark, the charm is lost and as a result, it is leading to misunderstanding, mistrust among others. As one of my friends sums up the whole situation so candidly, ‘ Sucheta life is hell without love’.
Physical intimacy is so important in a relationship. It’s a prerequisite. Sex is a physical extension of love. And yes, it is the most intimate sharing. Sex is total surrendering to one’s partner; we are so vulnerable that time.
This set my thinking mode on as I set in finding and then unmasking those aspects of ourselves, which destroys our relationships, kill our spirit and keeps us away from walking the path of fulfilment and everlasting happiness. And yes, I find the answer in seduction.
And what is seduction?
Seduction, I feel is a state of mind. It is an art. An art when practiced with care can benefit the mind, the body and the soul. Gradually it stirred up all the senses and activate the latent energy exists within the partners. And for all that, refinement is prerequisite as it helps in elevating human mind and prepares us for better things. So the finer art of seduction elevates us from being beasts to refinement, to a more fulfilling relationship.
The goal of seduction is not just meeting of two bodies. It involves every single sense organ, beginning with the mind, which is no doubt the most erogenous zone of all.
Seduction is an arena of intelligence, trust, deep thought and love. There is no element of casualness in it.
Seduction is not manipulation; it is not about using someone emotionally and sexually and then throwing them away like filth after the desire gets satisfied.
Seduction is all about playfulness, being in a playful mood. Seduction is looking into each other’s eyes, cuddling, passionate kiss, hugs, playing with each other’s fingers, touching each other playfully, flirting and teasing each other and the list is endless.
I remember one incident where my partner said that apart from cooking together and eating and love making, we would be reading together. I had found it immensely seductive. And actually we did exactly that. With his deep voice, he would recite Faiz Ahmed Faiz or Amrita Pritam and I am just floored. And the post recitation session or post reading sessions is a time of mental stimulation with discussion followed by cuddles and kisses.
As I said seduction is a state of mind. The goal of seduction doesn’t mean penetration as most of us think. It doesn’t mean seducing the other partner only for a purpose, for a cause.
In long term relationships, the element of boredom sets in which is quite normal. It doesn’t mean that the element of love and attraction is absent. It is just that it lays buried deep within the layers of dust. The spark, the charm is lost. There is an element of mundane, a routine, a structure in daily life. We tend to take the other person for granted and it kills the spark. We don’t make an effort to show our love and care. We don’t even appreciate little things done by our partner. We forgot to nurture the relationship.
Expressing such endearment like love you or miss you sustain that spark. Appreciating each other is so important, but that should not be false or fake appreciation. Even criticism bonds two together. The cementing element is honesty and love.
It is paramount to enrich oneself so that in turn the partners can enrich other. So common interest in wide range of subjects is necessary. Stimulation of mind is one of the main factors as it is one of the necessary elements of seduction. I like talking to my partner. He is so articulate. Plus being an avid reader, we could talk on wide range of subjects. Be it politics, culture or subaltern studies, he is there. This makes him so endearing. We even share our family stuffs, be it family politics, power play within the family, and discuss issues that are unavoidable in life. And this in turn has made our stand clear and had helped us to take decisions regarding our respective family matters. And yes we feel honoured to have each other; I call it a ‘rare gift’ of having someone like that.
The element of surprise is another important tool to sustain interest in a relationship. You might learn a new skill to surprise your partner, and yes a skill that he/she likes.
It is important to nurture a relationship. It is just like a small sapling that needs water, sunlight and love to grow so that it grows to give us shade and shelter.
Osho has put it so beautifully. “Being in love means you have to seduce your partner every day.