Femininity is not just about being overly emotional, beautiful, or vulnerable as has been stereotyped in popular culture. Femininity spans a broad spectrum of extraordinary delightful qualities that are inherent in every woman. Though like a muscle, our femininity atrophies from disuse. Which is what is happening commonly with the pseudo feminism wave that dictates women to be aggressive and masculine to be equal to men.
I personally believe it is a great disservice to womankind, that we have to lose the innate values of our being because they are considered as less favorable or weak. Women are not equal to men or are clones of men and neither they have to be, women are different than men. If a woman loses connect with her femininity and takes up a masculine role in her relationship, it impacts the masculine-feminine balance, the dance of shiva shakti, yin, and yang in a relationship.
We have to understand that feminine is not the opposite of masculine, these two are different set of forces, energies that bring the harmony and balance in intimate human relationships. With this context and to make feminine easier to understand, we group feminine qualities together in archetypes known as “Temptress,” “Mother” and “Queen” and the crucial role each of these archetypes play in our romantic relationship.
Feminine Quality – Mother: The Nurturer
The mother archetype includes all “nurturing” qualities such as patience, faith, care, healing, service, comforting, and empathizing. The Mother focuses on individual needs and makes them feel special with their endless love and care.
Men are often accused of “looking for a mother.” I say: Who would not like to be nurtured? We don’t realize that nurturing is a distinct feminine offering and very few men receive it from their male friends. The ‘mother’ inside the woman makes her man feel cared about. She is a safe haven from the hardships of life and puts him back together for the next battle. Her belief in him strengthens him. Her attention renews him. Her food warms his belly while her support warms his spirit.
Mothering: a turn off for men
It is important to distinguish between the Mother, and “mothering.” Mothering is a sneaky way to force one’s advice, food, and affection on her man and it makes men feel juvenile and stupid. Men find it emasculating and a huge turn-off. The big difference between mothering and the Mother is control. The Mother offers her qualities as gifts and the receiver remains in control, choosing to accept what he wants. The person who is mothering tries to take control and dominates the receiver.
Remember – Too much self-sacrifice can exhaust us
One of the qualities of the Mother is self-sacrifice. Thank goodness for this or none of us would have survived infancy. But without the boundaries, the Queen (our next feminine archetype) maintains, the Mother will always put other people’s needs first before her. This can leave her exhausted. Hence it is important for a mother to nurture herself just the way she nurtures others crossing her life. She can do this by taking time out for herself, getting rest, more sleep, spending time alone, and a supportive group of friends.
If you don’t think you are nurturing, then practice caring for children. Consciously for some time, make someone else more important than you.
Feminine Quality – Queen: Influential and Powerful
The Warrior spirit of Queen helps her stand up for her rights and set firm personal boundaries, thus helping the woman reach her full life potential. Queen helps you take control of your life and is concerned with empowerment – the ability to give power while losing none.
In contrast to the Mother, who focuses on her tribe’s need, the Queen pays attention to her future, her quality of life, her “vision” and her life’s Noble Purpose. Queen’s existence is far beyond the everyday drudgery of survival. Her life serves a higher purpose, which is why others serve her. Both men and women will naturally find themselves attracted to and serving a woman with Queenly qualities. The Queen also inspires respect and admiration. Hers are those feminine qualities that make a man strive to be the best man he can be; the Queen’s recognition empowers him.
Beware: Because the Queen inspires men to serve, many women strive to be her all the time. If you do this, you will be disappointed. Men need all aspects of femininity. They serve the Queen, but they participate with the Temptress, and get nurtured from the Mother. While the Queen embodies the greatness of women, women are delightfully complex in the making of these qualities. Women can invoke the feminine qualities of the Temptress, the Mother and the Queen at different times that mystifies men.
If like queen, you want to discover your Noble Purpose, think of the qualities and aspirations about which you are most passionate. What is it that you passionately want to have in your life? Is it freedom? Self-expression? Vitality? Integrity? The possibilities are numerous to enlist.
Feminine Quality – Temptress: The Fire
The Temptress includes qualities like playfulness, sensuality, and sexuality. But the Temptress is not aggressive, that would be masculine. Her physical energy resembles a tickle, an invitation, a warm fire attracting her man. She is tempting, inviting the pursuit of men, not pursuing them. When a woman expresses this special feminine energy, men get physically attracted and sexually interested in her. Men will describe her as “sexy,” irrespective of what she is wearing.
All women carry the Temptress energy but it is important to express this energy consciously. Women who indiscriminately exude their sensuality and sexuality will experience being “hit on” by lustful men but in reality, men are responding to their subtle communication. The wise woman will direct the Temptress energy in a laser-like fashion at the man of her choice, instead of broadcasting it widely.
How to nurture the Temptress
A lot of women owing to sexual shame have suppressed their temptress energy, instead of focusing on the support of the men in their lives instead of playfulness and participation. While this support is essential to men, dropping out of our playful, physical energy makes our relationships very dull. Hence you do not need to put off this potent feminine energy, but learn to handle this fire skilfully. Following practices are helpful to bring out the sleeping temptress inside you.
- Engage in activities that give you physical pleasure, like a massage or bubble bath
- Practice loving your body, regardless of its shape or size
- Express your emotions, your feelings through your body – activities like dancing, yoga, exercise or your favorite sport are helpful
The interplay of these qualities at the right time and occasion can do wonders to your self and your intimate relationship. All it takes is awareness and practice to bring out the inner goddess in you 😊