Do you know the single-most effective sex tip that I’ve ever given?
Most of us consider touch to be a part of foreplay that leads to sex, but I am talking about touch just for the sake of touching. Yes, this kind of touch has the power to transform your sex life like never before.
You might think of touch as simply a skin to skin touch but it goes much beyond that. Touch is a central way that we share emotions with others. As a child, we felt safe in the nurturing, protective arms of our parents. As infants and little kids we were held, in a soft embrace or we will sit on the lap of our mother to receive that joy of nurturing. But as we grow up, the very same nurturing touch becomes sexualized.
But even as grown-up adults, we need this kind of nurturing yet non-sexual touch. It is where we go wrong in our intimate relationships, in our long term sex lives by linking touch only to sex. Intimate love relationships often fail because of the lack of this kind of touch. And to restart your sex life, you need to bring back this ‘touch’.
There are so many different kinds of touch: hugs, caresses, massages, cuddles, embraces, tickles, strokes and so on. And so many different places you could touch: hair, hands, feet, toes, fingers, belly, neck, backs, faces, shoulders, arms, legs, and more (remember to avoid touching the breasts or genitals because the purpose of this touch is not to be sexual but to enjoy the pleasurable feelings). And there are so many different messages you can convey with your touch: love, relaxation, seduction, sympathy, playfulness, desire, and so on.
Here’s how can touch help you put your sex life back in action after a long pause:
Reason #1 – Touch is exciting!
First things first, the touch itself can feel amazing!
Do you remember that first kiss you had? Do you remember the thrill of that skin-to-skin contact? Just a simple touch could light you on fire.
Even when that initial thrill wears off, many touch techniques can feel even sexier and more pleasurable than sex techniques.
There are so many ways to experiment with touch in the bedroom. You could spend an entire month spicing things up without even having sex!
Reason #2 – Touch is less intimidating
You’ve might be knowing about countless books and sessions on “try new things in the bedroom”. But like most people, you never follow through on that advice because it feels intimidating! Sex feels like a chore, a task when the emotional connection wears off and life hits monotony.
In this situation, it’s vulnerable and deeply uncomfortable to put yourself out there and do anything new in the bedroom.
But trying new techniques for touch can feel a lot less intimidating than trying new techniques for sex. Touch is an easy thing to be good at.
You feel less pressure and less perfectionism when experimenting with simple yet rich and profound touch.
Reason #3 – Touch increases your desire
If you want to try new things in the bedroom, you both have to feel the desire to be intimate in the first place!
Some people have Responsive sex drives, which means they don’t feel the mental desire to have sex until they get physically aroused.
If you ask a person with a Responsive sex drive type, “do you want to have sex?”, they will mostly say “no”, because for them their mental desire does not precede their physical desire.
But if you start cuddling, touching, and kissing, their desire will naturally emerge, and they’ll want to keep going. Touch opens up the door to sexual possibilities 😊
If you want to bring more touch into your relationship, here’s one easy way to do it: for the next week, try to dedicate 10 minutes a day to spend together privately, in your bedroom, just holding each other, touching, and kissing.
Don’t think of this time as “foreplay.” The idea is to enjoy physical contact simply for the sake of physical contact without any added pressure of going into intercourse.
It may sound simple, but the truth is that most relationships are so touch-starved that just this one exercise has the power to make a big impact on your sex life.