First of all, this is in no way a motivational speech from the PR department of Tinder. I am writing this from whatever learnings I have had with online dating and instant sexual gratification. You can stop reading this now if your idea of romance is holding hands on a beach shore and keeping the wedding knots tied for a lifetime of miraculous joy. That’s one way to look at relationships and is a worthy pursuit. But if you like to think along my lines of thought, the wild lines where there are no as such knots, read ahead.
The worst way to interact with new people is to hand them over your business cards in fancy events along with an elevator pitch. The second worst way is to meet strangers is using online dating apps to sell your whole existence to them in a matter of a few hours. I know this will sound odd but if you’re going on three first-dates every week, you’re learning new things about the opposite sex which no article or book can theoretically teach. The point being raised here is to treat the person sitting in front of you as a person and not a mere match who you can fuck and later on ghost.
You’ll know about your body and desires
In a long-term monogamous relationship, there are limits to explore and push your physical boundaries. By the time a couple has reached the 5-7 year mark, all the role plays and fetish stuff has been ticked off from their lovey-dovey bucket list. If not, you better up your game my friend. Are you waiting for cupid to teach you what voyeurism or anal will feel like? In contrast to this, when you’re meeting someone new, you can build the base of your relationship with honesty about your desires and owning whatever you wish to sexually experiment with. It is fine to make her pee on your chest if you’re into that.
I’ve discussed having an orgy on my dates because that’s the point. To reveal what you’ve got on the inside, literally and metaphorically. Since this person doesn’t know you very intimately or work in the same office or is your next-door neighbour, your conversations will remain private for the most part. Unless you’ve got yourself involved with someone who sends out a dozen tweets in an hour. Beware of such un-confidential people and make sure to discuss and act on your dark and outrageous desires if your partner is also in agreement with your sales pitch about the same. Most of the times they’ll say yes to pleasuring you because your pleasure is my pleasure. The world is so considerate. No? Thank me later.
I don’t need to tell you that sex is a great form of exercise and the happy hormones which are released when you have sex make you feel good about yourself. No wonder I smile more frequently when my little one is getting his fair share of wetness. In addition to that, you’ll feel mentally relaxed because when you’ve got a place to visit every weekend and let yourself loose with a babe, there is a sense of relief which dry spells very badly snatch away from you. If everything goes all right, you’ll be having a time-table of your sex schedule similar to the journal which gym people have for their workout.
I am not kidding. I used to have a small diary of my secret life. I hope you also make yours soon. Since we are talking about health, do you know what condoms are? If not, join a sex-ed class and update your sexual glossary. The last thing you want after sex besides cigarettes and cuddles is the scare of getting pregnant or infected from STIs. Creampie is a good porn category to watch but not a very good one to try out with someone you met yesterday unless you want to live with the risk of waking up one morning with yellow discharge in your underpants around your red-sored tiny-tots. That was ugly. That’s why condoms. To avoid that ugly happening to you.
Work done from my side. Over and out. Before you leave, remember that there are downsides to having lots of sex with lots of people such as an addiction to seeking more and more novelty and a dying urge to visit the nearest therapist because you’ll start considering yourself a sex-addict. Who am I to talk about this when you’re adult enough to make decisions? A gentle reminder to avoid the “Fuck and Forget” rule because doing so will get you bad Karma which might lead to a painful dry spell. Now all the best. See you in the field.