You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it.”
Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass
Someone said very distinctively that “Just because you go into it with your eyes wide open doesn’t mean you see what’s coming” . I came across this quote while surfing and it actually opened a plethora of memories flashing back to those days when I was out of my post graduate with lots of immature thoughts which I perceived otherwise.
There was no dearth of male attention in my life from the days I tried understanding bodily changes taking place inside me. I always found that people with mental ability always attracted me more and of course if it’s of the opposite sex then the attraction is immense. But then that point of time at that age when my biological hormones were shooting high I never understood the difference between intimacy and sex. I did not know that sex can happen without intimacy. When we don’t know enough about something it becomes easier to choose. That explained the boyfriend I chose then. Yes, I had a boyfriend then but my moral upbringing forbid to explore anything before the nuptial night.
I was a confident girl always but little wary about my fluctuating weight always. But this did not deter me from shying away or having an inferior complexity about my physical attributes. Now I feel I had a boyfriend because I just need to have one. As I said my moral conscience were built on blocks decided my societal norms then. It was that time in India when internet was paving ways and had to go to cyber cafes for surfing net. I decided not to be dictated by dogmas and break the rules set by the society. Yes, I slept with my boyfriend then but not once but multiple times whenever we got to do that as we were in long distance relationship. I was happy after the intercourse but never satiated and understood orgasm properly. The love making began with kissing and getting down straight to the final act with no foreplay and intimacy.
Moving on, I moved to different city for job with a 2nd master’s degree .This was a different phase of life where I was in charge of my finance better and freedom was my priority. I quit one of the working women hostel in Chennai where they dictated the types of clothes I have to wear inside the hostel and outside the hostel as well. They labelled me slut and said It was my fault when one pervert grabbed me in broad day traffic. I was focusing on nurturing “right” and becoming aware of “self’ in relationship. I practiced the same science in the bedroom as well. I had evolved better through the experiences where I actually practiced vivid, livid foreplay’s to be satiated. I became more comfortable with what it is.
Over the last couple of years when I am in my mid -thirties I have become more fascinated about the choices I make and discovering many things about “self”. Now I could talk across and understand the dire consequences of the actions I choose. But to my dismay something uncanny had started taking place. All of a sudden there is a rush of young boys falling for me and reaching out to me to my surprise. But now I call the shots and I understand where to draw line between. Out of curiosity I did ask one of them, like why are you interested in me where the age difference is almost 10 years? To this the boy replied
“All I know is that one truly aspires or should aspire for mental happiness more than anything else in this world. It can be from anyone. Be it a younger woman who sounds more energetic and charged up in life vis a vis same age women going through the same shit as his own”.
His interest lies in getting the matured experience who has seen it all, been through all matters. Yes, he wants to hear the most intense and wild moaning on bed but at the same time expect some sound conversations happening around it which keep things spiced up and keeps you interested towards the person too as well.